


Worst Timing

by gala_apples



Series: Get Xander Laid Season Five [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Other, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2011-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:25:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gala_apples/pseuds/gala_apples
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Episode 5x01: Buffy vs Dracula</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worst Timing

Xander supposed he should have known his luck would turn this way. Of course it would be like this. Like it wasn't enough to have to find hookers in the rough side of Sunnydale. That had been a feat in itself. So many of the slutty looking girls had just been slutty girls, not prostitutes. Not that Xander had a personal vendetta against slutty looking girls. Live and let live. It was just what he wanted was very specific, and he knew he wouldn’t get it without paying.Worse still was trying to arrange to use two at the same time. For some reason all the hookers hated each other. But by promising nearly an entire paycheck to each, he had managed cooperation.

The truly wretched thing was just as the silver lame clad woman was getting into the backseat, Spike showed up. Unbeknownst to Xander, Spike had just spent the last twelve hours in a bar with no direct sunlight. The depression from Riley dominating was nearly gone now. All he needed was a chance to get his status back, and he would be right as rain. Harris was a great target.

"Ooooh, the bloke has scored himself a prozzie. Hanging that off kilter is it? Demon bit won't shag you stupider anymore?"

"Spike. For the love of god go away." Not that he believed for a moment that Spike cared, but "this is quite possibly the worst timing you've ever had."

Spike heard the clear dismissal, but he was bloody well tried of following orders, especially from humans. Not wanting to hurt the hookers, and hoping that was enough to save him from being shocked, he bared his game face to the skirts to make them run off. The girl nearer to Spike screeched and took off, making Xander happy he hadn't paid beforehand. The other stayed in the backseat. She either wasn't intelligent enough to look up and see evil undead, or she had grown a part of Sunnydale and wasn’t phased.

her words quickly belied the second option. "My uncle is a loan shark demon. He was scarier then you, and he brings me cotton candy when he visits. Now, if I can go back to my John?"

"What I want to know is why you need a hooker," he replied, ignoring the woman in favour of Xander's reddened face.

"Go away Spike."

"Yeah, go away Spike," the woman repeated, tone much harsher.

"I'm not leaving until I find out why Xander wants a hooker." And why in the hell would he not want to be with his demon bint? Anya was blunt, the kind of woman Spike didn't hate, and she didn't deserve to be cheated on. He entered the vacated seat and waited for the brunet to talk.

The woman glanced to the left and rolled her eyes at him. "Fine. Watch. It's just going to cost him more." With that she wriggled over the seat into the front. Hand working his belt, she moved her head close. Spike inched his way up the sloping back seat, staring. If this was actually going to happen, he sure as hell wasn’t about to look away.

Xander jolted though. "Stop. Right now. Don't. I need two women, I'm paying for that specifically."

"I won't work with anyone else,” she informed him crossly. This one job was taking too long. She needed to be back out. She had insurance to pay.

"Damnit Spike! Leave. Miss, go get your friend."

Both looked at Xander, neither was good at taking orders without getting something in return.

"I told you, don't you listen? I'm not leaving until you tell me why you need a hooker."

"I tell you and you promise to go harass Buffy and get yourself staked?"

"Yes." He didn't know why he was agreeing, but if Xander wanted him gone that badly, then he would leave. Of course, he would also take ample opportunity in the next weeks to bother him when Anya wasn't around to hear it and get hurt.

Xander was completely aggravated and he knew there were a billion reasons not to tell Spike a secret. Still, he had waited weeks after the day for this, and he wasn’t going to give it up noq. "So when I was in Thrall, I got to play. The Three Sisters, their only intent was pleasing me. One sat on my face as I was sprawled in the dirt, already sopping. My mouth played with her and her fingers scraped my chest. Again and again, until it was bloody. After it was over I had to get into a fight at Willie's to explain the scarring. I came just because of the unique taste and the nails in my chest. The second girl had my body spread. We fucked forever, rolling around, neither wanting the lower position. I hadn't a condom on but it didn't matter, she couldn't get pregnant. She was dead. And the third, she bent me over and fucked me. I could feel her thighs bucking against mine, I was being fucked by a girl and it was wonderful."

"So instead of finding a nice guy, you bought a strap-on and paid two girls to fuck you at the same time. Not that I'm turning down a customer, but God are you stupid!"

"Right. Because which male wants to have sex with me?" Xander thought of Oz and Willow, of Giles and Jenny, even of Jesse and his hopeless crush on Cordelia.

"How about the blonde one beside me?"

"Spike? Spike doesn't want to fuck me."

"Spike does want to fuck you, doesn't he?" she smirked, turning her head to look at him in the back seat.

"Spike declares his constitutional rights. Spike refuses to answer on the grounds that he may incriminate himself." He slid back down the backseat, hoping to get away from the whore's scorn and the coward's bluntness. Though, if he gave himself a moment to think, it really wouldn't be that bad. As long as Xander didn't tell Buffy, Buffy would stake him in a second if she knew. But what was the chance of that? The more he thought, the more he realised he wouldn't be in danger, Xander wouldn't dare tell Buffy that Spike came onto him, she would want to know where.

"Look. I'll fuck you in the ass if you want. But I really don't see why Spike can't fuck you in the ass while you fuck my cunt." It would be the best situation for her. No doubt it would over-stimulate him, and things would be finished quickly.

"He has a point, pet."

Xander sighed. He couldn't believe his luck, that of all people this had to happen to him. "Would I have to pay you?" and he could not believe he had just asked that.

"No, only one person in this car is a whore."

"If I paid you, would you never mention this to anyone?"

"Might convince me." Spike was full of shit. There wasn't a chance in hell he would be telling anyone about this. Inevitably it would leak to the slayer, and then he would be dead. Truly dead. But Xander didn't know that.

"If I paid you extra would you stay away from me and the rest of us?"

"Like I want to be around you anyway."

Xander let out a huge sign and started the car. Really, what else could he do? He turned his head to exit his neatly done parallel parking space and found the woman had relocated to the backseat. She and Spike were kissing. "Oh, what the _hell_! That is so not of the cool,” he muttered.

"Shut up and drive." they both responded, though Spike's had an added on 'wanker' at the end. So he did. Not to his house of course. He was unlucky, not stupid.


End file.
